Talking to my self....

"Sometimes, you have to look back in order to understand the thing that lie ahead". I find this quotation so apt and meaningful in the context of our life. And in order to look back, we need to introspect and talk to our own solitude. We can lie to our loved one but can never lie to our own soul. Few day ago I just wanted to speak to my self and gave a thought that many of us avoid talking to our own self as some one well said- "Many people suffer from the fear of finding oneself alone, and so they don't find themselves at all". Perhaps I had the same fear but some how I managed to spend some time with my solitude and this poem came out as a result-

Sochta hu aaj khudse kuch baat karu

Beete hue kuch lamho ko yaad karu

Kuch pal hansi ke aur kuch pal name ke

Aaj fir un yaado se sarokar karu!

Sochta hu aaj khudse kuch baat karu!!

Ek wo pal jisme khoya tha apno ko

Ya wo pal jisme paaya hai sapno ko

Sochta hu aaj main kise yaad karu

Sochta hu aaj khudse mulaqat karu!!

Haasil sapne ya jhuti muskan kahu

Khoye lamhe ya bichda hua sath kahu

Royu gam me unke ya ek hansi mulaqat kahu

Sochta hu unko ya khudko hi yad rakhu

Sochta hu aaj khudse kuch baat karu!!

Yuhi jeeta rahu logo ko hansi baant te

Aur apne gamo se khud hi ittifaq rakhu

Aaj fir us khuda se kuch faryad karu

Ya shayad main khud se hi baat karu!!

Like me there would many people suffering from this problem and believe me this problem is really grave as- "Our vision can become clear only when we can look into our own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes."

JEEVAN KI DAGAR....

Yesterday we celebrated farewell of one of our favorite colleague. I was just amazed by his decision to leave job and stepping into a more challenging career of entrepreneurship ahead. Life is full of such  difficult decision where one need to take a bold step to come out of his comfort zone. I just tried to feel his position what he could have been through while taking such tough decision and could think of this poem-

Socha nahi manzil hai kha, bas yuhi chalta hi raha

Raah me kai baar thaka, thama kuch pal, par nahi me ruka

Bas yuhi chalta hi raha!!

Kabhi laga safar kathin aur kaanto se bhara

Roya kuch der, fir muskurate hue badha..

Bas yuhi chalta hi raha!!

Mile kai log safar me, kuch paraye kuch apno se lage

Chaar pal sath rahe kuch, kuch hamsafar bane

Kisi ne hansaya aur kisi ne dukh bhi diya

Yaad rakha kisiko aur kisiko bhulta chala

Bas yuhi chalta hi raha!!

Manzil hai dur shayad aur safar bada mushkil

Mod aise aate rahe jeevan me jab faisla ho kathin

Socha nahi par maine kya khoya aur kya mujhko mila

Bas yuhi chalta hi raha!!

I wish all the good luck and success to my friend and wish he would easily fight out all such tough battles of life. Some one well said- "A dream is your creative vision for your life in the future, you must break out of your current comfort zone and become comfortable with the unfamiliar and unknown" and I myself believe-" Life begins at the end of our comfort zone"

Understanding the pain of "One sided love"

Today, On my way to office while I was in  auto rikshaw, I saw a girl sitting beside me continuously fighting with some one over phone and endlessly  crying in anger. I din't take much time to understand what she was going through. Everything about her tears, cut wrist, anger, impatience and resentment indicated a bad relation and most probably the pain of one sided love. One sided love are often result of obsession and deterrent to accept rejection or failure. No matter how we perceive this feeling, it is really painful. This incident made me write a poem on that girl's feeling that I am sharing today-

Jitna Chaha door jana utne karib hue hum

Apni hi bandhiso me jakad gaye hum

Machal raha tha toofaan koi kinara na tha

Raahe thi hazaar magar koi ishara na tha!

 

Kisi ke aashiyan ko sazana chahte the

Par na jane kab humne use bikhera tha?

Ban gaye andheri rat anjaane me hum

Ban Na chaha Kisi ka roshan savera tha!

 

Chaha tha use ek dost ki tarah

Pata nahi kab use galat fahmiyo ne aakar ghera tha!

Khata kya Hui humse nahi hum jante

Dosto ki bheed me bhi paya khud ko akela tha!

This poem reflect the feeling of other person who may have to loose a beautiful relation of friendship because of one sided of love of his friend. But I just have one message for all such persons-



 














And for all those friend who suffered the pain of one sided love and obsession-

 

 

 

A tribute to the feeling called "Love"

True lover's resentment:

I realize, its quite a long time since I posted any thing on blog. Before I become an active blogger just want to resume posting with an old poem of mine. This poem is a tribute to all the guys who are or were in love and  gone through the feeling of sorrow, gloominess, pain and misery in love.

 Some one rightly said-" Losing someone important to you. It hurts, right down to your stomach. That uncomfortable feeling, when you know you're slowly drifting away from them. You'll miss them, hopefully they think about you like you always thought about them. Till you're just a faded memory. Then you suddenly disappear out of their lives. It hurts.



  Sochta hu aaj ki tum meri kya ho?
  Tumse hai zindagi,ya tum meri zindagi ho..
  pyar ho mera,ya ho bandagi meri?
  Dost ho tum,ya ho dushmani meri!
  Tum ho wafa ya tum bevafa ho?

  Sochta hu aaj ki tum meri kya ho?

  tum hansi ho ya aansu mere...
  Khushi ho ya shikwa tum ho..!
  Tumne di nayi zindagi ya cheeni hai khushiya meri?
  Band palko ka khwab ho ya chupa hua aansu ho!
  Nibhaye hai har wade tumne,ya tode har khwab hai?
  Phulo ki ho khusbu ya kaanto bhari yad ho.....!

 Sochta hu aaj ki tum meri kya ho?

  honto ki hansi me ya palko ki nami me ho?
  andhero me ho, ya roshni me ho...
  khwabo me ho, ya tishnagi me ho..
  pyar ke har rup me ya nafrat aur dhoke me ho?
  har soch me,har yad me,har dhadkan me har ehsas me ho!

 Sochta hu aaj ki tum meri kya ho?

 Sach kehte hai aye dost in aakhiri shabdo me hum..
 Tumhare pyar se hi payi thi zindagi humne
 Aur nifrat se seekhi hai zindagi humne.....!
 Tum prerna me ho ya abhishap me ho.
 ab to lagta hai ki tum meri har saans ho...!
 Sochta hu aaj main,ki tum meri kya ho..??

We can not be together, but we will never be apart. For no matter what life brings us, you will always be in my heart.

I hope this poem will touch souls of all the true lovers and the people who believe in true love."I fell in love with her when we were together, then fell deeper in love with her in the years we were apart.”

At last I would like to end with a message to all the love hurts- “God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.”  

Between the two......

Yesterday, while coming back from Guwahati to Kolkata, as the flight was delayed and I had too much time to kill, I observed the chit-chat of two close friends. The chat was quite normal like we all have with our friends, but there was something very curious about it and that made me to continue  listening to them. Most of us who have good friends would be able to relate to this chit-chat and perhaps could match the level of curiosity within ourselves. Wasting no further time on the boring prefaces, I am now just trying to recall the chat .

I don't know the name of those friends, So I would be calling them as Adarsh (Adi) and Akanksha (akshi).

Adi: Why the f..... these flights get delayed, I just hate flight journeys. I rather love trains..

Akshi: Yup, I agree, trains are great fun provided the companions are good.

Adi: Do you remember my trip from Lucknow to Jaipur! I still remember it like it was yesterday.

Akshi: Which one? I don't remember you going anywhere in last two years, apart from the short   official  tours. Isn't that right?

Adi: Dhakks, I am talking about 2006. When I bunked my training half way between and rushed to Jaipur to meet my Nani.... :D

Akshi: Oh ya, how can I forget that, what did you say to your boss?????? want to see nani as she is not keeping well.... liar, and what was nani's name..... Ishika?? ( your first love.... janam janmantar wala... hehe...) what happened to her, I told you she is not good enough for you, but you a are stupid emotional guy, she dumped you. Still you din't tell me the reason what happened between you guys??

Adi: (hiding explicable emotions in his eyes); Nothing yaar, I haven't been able to figure out the reason yet, anyways its an old story. And you know, I have moved on and even had a girl friend there after as well. So not a big deal...

Akshi: Ya, I know you had a girl friend, but what happened with the second one, why din't that relationship work? All you guys are the same, I thought you are not like other guys, but see, even you din't show any respect towards girls..... !

Adi: Nothing like that bhartiya nari (being a bit naughty), I do respect women a lot, that is why I keep finding a new girl to love and respect. But I am happy that Riya (the 2nd one) decided to break it off, because I din't love her and perhaps I can never love anybody else now. So no hard feelings for her...Happies endings.. :D

Akshi: Are you sure? Happy ending and all, atleast don't lie to me or to yourself. Do you still love Ishika? Do you remember how much down you were in life because of her, she was not good enough for you, I thought you are so sensible and now turning our to be a matured professional. All of us take advise from you, you are so correct about relations, you are so practical. Then why are you still holding on to these emotions. I don't know yar what to say, I never have words to give you any gyan because you yourself are such a big gyani. Come on yar, look at you, you are a good looking, successful professional, belong to such a good family, have such a charming personality. Every one admires you, you can get any girl you want. Please move on, for god's sake.

Adi: (Pause for a moment,looking down).. Yes you are right, I can get any one. I know I am sensible enough to understand what is wrong, but dear sometimes thinking practically does not help you. I could never share this with any one, because I  knew no one will understand as its even difficult for myself to understand. Every one in our group says, see adi, how happy and cheerful he always is, nothing bothers him. Sharing everyone's problem, solving people's relationship issues, I do all these. But I can't help my self, I just want myself on the other side of table.

Yes I still love her, and always loved only her. Even today those moments, that I spent with her in Jaipur, are so fresh in my mind as though it was a yesterday's story; as though those were the golden days of my life. I could never be happier than those days. Even today when I travel, and close down my eyes, I see her face, her eyes. I can't forget any of those moments. I know how much she has hurt me, and I should be hating her instead of loving. I even expressed my hatred to her, but my heart still loves her, it can never hate her. No matter how bad she did to me, no matter how much it ruined my life. There is a hidden desire in my heart, which i can't share with any one.. I just wanted a last meeting with her, just want to see her once again. I know, today I can get any one but dear, how can I forget she loved me when I was not lovable. I wasn't good looking, had such a boring and dry personality. You know the irony of life, that time I was not the one she wanted in her life, but today I am exactly the same sort of guy, as she wanted.

Sometimes I feel like mailing to her, just want to convey her that I still love her. Its been 6 years now since I last saw her and four year's since I last spoken to her. Life has moved like anything in between these years but those emotions seem to be eternal. Those emotions have really halted my life. Why can't I just move on?????????

Akshi: Oh god, you are ruining your life dear. Please marry any other beautiful girl and start dating again. I still remember the day, when I flunked in an exam and only you made me believe its just an exam and not life. Life just goes on. Believe me that chapter is over now.

Wait, where is she now, what is her relationship status? Why don't you just talk to her for once. May be she is still single, may be she also loves you. Why don't you just try it once. 

Adi: Sometimes I also feel the same, but its an old story now, I don't want to do anything out of emotions. I am afraid of losing my self-respect, I don't want to get hurt. May be I don't love her. Its just that no one can forget his first love, I love those memories and that girl but she is not that girl now.  Give me some time, I will move one...

Akshi: Oh come on, now don't start your Main aur meri tanhai... See I understand self respect is important but not bigger than life. I know you both loved each other till you were together.  I think one should marry the person that one loves. Its the matter of a life-time, right life partner is so important. If you don't try it now, you will always regret this. You will never forget that just for the fear of losing self respect, you din't try to get the love of your life.

Adi: Ya, you are right but, we don't have any communication and she also never tried to keep any contact. I will think about it, let me gather some courage. But do you remember the dialogue of that movie, what was the name.. leave the  name- " If you love some one let it go, agar wo laut ke aye to hi wo tumhara hai, nahi to wo tumhara kabhi tha hi nahi.. "

But ya, I just want to convey this message to her via god help line- I love you and will always love you, I could never love any one else and perhaps will not be able to do the same. As I promised you some day, I will keep my promise and will always wait for you the way I have been waiting since last 5 years...

.

When things are not going your way...

Once in a while, in every one’s life, it happens that things don’t happen as we want. No matter how hard we try, the things gets harder. No matter how fast we run, it seems we have not reached anywhere. Problems can be plenty - heart break in personal life, monetary problem, bad health, an unhappy family life, an un successful professional life, conflict with bosses etc .We may get frustrated seeing an undeserving guy getting the things which we deserved after all the hard work and talent. It hurt our self-belief, motivation, enthusiasm and may create so much negativity in our thinking process which leads us to depression.

So far in life, I have not seen any one, who has not seen failure or struggle in life whether take any common man or Prime minister or president. Struggle is the essence of living, so if one says I have ‘not seen struggle that suggest he has not seen life yet. The strength of one’s character can be judged not by measuring the quantum of success achieved, but how one react or comeback after failure, and that is called attitude. The most important thing is how to get out of such negative phase of life; here are few ways which can help:

•  Take a break: If we keep looking at an object, the object starts looking hazy after a while. Between two days, there is always a night, which helps us to recharge ourselves. So, if things are not working, stop trying for a while, take a break, do things which makes you happy, practice your hobbies, watch any comedy movie.

•  Family and friends: Good times or bad times, we need friends and family to accompany us. Our friend and family may not have every solution to a problem, but their support can help us to forget about the problem for a while. Friends can surely be the best source to restore our self-belief.

•  Look at the broad view: When one is caught up in a bad situation, he, or she, tends to focus too much on the problem at hand, while all other things are ignored. If we see the broad picture, we will find our problems to be very small. For example- People may commit suicide due to failure in love or exams or career. But all of us know that  one person, exam or job can’t be bigger than life. Therefore, it is important to look beyond imperfections.You may not be perfect in your career, but you may be doing good in other part of life. Striking the right balance is the key for living a quality life.

• Restore the excitement: I read it somewhere-“The loss of excitement is the biggest loss of life”. Excitement is the spark, which keeps us going. In the childhood days, as we remain excited about everything in life, we learn the most as compared to other phases of life. The best source of excitement are kids, spend time with kids, it helps a lot.

• Motivate and react:  "No one is going to light the candle, when you are in a dark room, you have to be the first one to do the same. We know our self, better than anyone else. Think about yourself, close your eyes think about your life, the happiest moments and the sad, and how did you overcome those moments. It will help you to know, who or what can motivate you. Biographies of people who seen worse and yet they came back strongly can be a good source of motivation.

• Hope and Action: Stay on course even if you stumble, when everything seems to go wrong, you can either give up or you can let your misfortune transform you into something stronger. Hope is the word, which keeps us going. Believe in god, he is not that cruel. Few days ago I seen a child crying because her mother was forcing him to go to school, he might be feeling his mother as his enemy, but we know that waht his mother did was for her child’s good future. Similarly we may not understand the reason why god is giving us pain at the moment but surely he is doing it for our good future only. It is just the matter of time.

       When things are not going your way, when things are worse, it will surely get better. Rain always comes after a season of scorching heat and humidity. It is the law of nature. So, believe, as the things has neared up to its worse, things will be better than expected. Keep hope and believe in yourself, To sum up, I remember few stanza of a poem-

Life’s battle don’t always go,

To the stronger or faster man,

But sooner or later the man wins

Is the man who thinks who can!

And at last, success if just the perception of mind, the most important thing is happiness and it is up to us, whether we want to be happy or not as-“Being happy does not mean that everything is perfect. It means you have decided to look beyond the imperfections”.

"Love", "the word is not enough"

I read it some where....."Never tell a girl that she looks like or remind you of your ex-girlfriend". Probably I did the same, it was a mistake, honesty or helplessness is a matter of perception.I believe this quote to be mere myth and there are lots of such perception within all of us. Love itself may be just a "word" for the alivement of all sort of fanatcies.

However,with the growth of professional man within myself, I started to believe.. Yes,Love exist, but somewhere in movies,books or imaginations. Existence of this divine word can survive within ourselves till  we remain teenagers or to give a better word till we are immature .

Now as I have became a bit matured guy and I can see that all the relations in this world are for mutual benefit or simply saying for "give and take". And as we practical human beings are so self centred and insensitive  believe that we believe "Love" does'nt exist.

 Love is a feeling which can exist -As  I said upto teen age, because innocence and immaturity are two sides of a coin.With the growing fight for attainment of  day to day bread & butter, comfort and luxary, the innocence within us just fade away. In every race people compete to win, for prize,happiness or pride but in our day to day race, we forget the very purpose of our racing around the world. The purpose is "happiness", the satisfaction of our soul. I hope we all remember the reason behind our race, and if not, just close down your eyes, think or rather feel what makes you happy? what is the most memorable or happy moment of our lives?? When I introspect my self, I can feel all those moment still so afresh...my childhood days, and all those stupid moments which is material or practical terms holds no value in life but actually mean alot for my very existence.

Oh, I know I am confusing all of you with every sentence.It is a topic which is so common and have been written millions of time but still when I want to write something about "Love", it is flatering me. People often ask me a common question, do you have any girlfriend or did I have one? I give  different answers to each one of them. The concept of girlfriend itself is still confusing to me. There are few people who asked me whether I ever fell in love or loved any one? I am thankful to them as because of such straight questions, my ever charming curvy face turned straight and forced me to find answer within every word I am writing in this post.

Love has no formal definition for good reasons. Does love happen only once? I don't know whether it is true or not, I don't know what is right or wrong. But I know one thing that Sometimes giving rest to the mind helps alot to the soul.

Therefore, I am writing each word which I feel is true with me and such feelings may still not be finding any place in my intellectual thought process. As I look back in my life, I feel the most happiest moment of my life happend when the mind was at rest and the emotions were at best.So I may not be convinced about what I think but very much sure about what I feel.

I feel without being confused:

• Love is an irrational feeling
• It happens only once, and if it has happend again that means the first one was'nt love.
• There is nothing called true love, as love is always true and if it is not, it a'int love.
• Love can never break any one, it can cost you material sum, but every happiness has a cost.
• Love can die, with the death of true emotions.
• No one can forget his/her first love, as I said it can happen only once...So no matter how far we move ahead in life, it doesnt fade away.
• Yes, You can remain friends with your Ex.

I appologise for the 2 paragraphs of misdirected thinking, as it is easy to give words to feelings than thoughts.I have seen many of my friends,collegues,juniors,seniors,relatives... loosing in love, confused,spoiing their lives. I just wanted to convey a message to them, if you  are unsuccessful in finding god within yourself, then try looking deeper inside instead of saying "No..he doesnt exist". And for the friends who have moved ahead in life and still are annoyed that they have compromised and are not happy about it..We fall in "Love" for chasing happiness and if by giving happiness you can get it double then dont creat unnecessary troubles.
When I try to remember the names of all historical peoples arround the world, I could not remeber the name of people who were billionaires or fighters, but the names of irrational peoples who were madly in love, do still exist in every one's mind even after 1000s of years.Probably because the glory of war & money is momentary but the fragrance of love is eternal.